Tethered Heart


Greater and more successful people have talked about it better that I ever could so I’m putting down some pretty nice quotes that have stuck to me over the past few years:

“Often people attempt to live their lives backwards: they try to have more things, or more money, in order to do more of what they want so that they will be happier. The way it actually works is the reverse. You must be who you really are, then, do what you need to do, in order to have what you want.”

– Margaret Young

“I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: “If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?” And whenever the answer has been “No” for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.”

– Steve Jobs in his commencement address

I used to think it was a mountain, a thing I wanted to do, a thing I wanted to be, and as long as I was walking toward that mountain, it was okay. I told her she needs to figure out what her mountain is, and you can sort of judge these things by – does it take you away from the mountain?”

– Neil Gaiman on giving her daugher Hollie advice on what career to pursue

I have spent the better part of the last decade trying to discover the thing I was meant to do. I still don’t feel any closer to my “mountain” and lately I’ve been waking up with “no” as my answer for many days in a row. I’d love to wake up everyday knowing that I’m doing something I was meant to do. Wouldn’t that be beautiful?

The Year of Small Things

Me at 30.
Me at 30.

2007 was my impossible year. the year you tell people you know and they in turn tell people they know. It’s definitely one a hell of an icebreaker story. I’ve told it many times and to anyone who would care to listen:¬† I won a hundred thousand pesos, went to Singapore and London for free, all because I made comics and videos.

2008 on the other hand was the year i turned 30. And for a milestone year, it was relatively low key. There was no big party. No big prize won. No big realization except that 3-0 looks significantly different from 20-plus.

But as I try to write something to cap off this year by noting down the most significant events, I realized that while 2007 was a year of big moments, my 2008 was a celebration of the small things. And the small things and the frozen moments  were always with you.

I don’t feel significantly older. I don’t particularly look older. I am as impatient now as I was when I was 20. Maybe even more so. I’m definitely grouchier. But I also feel young partly because you let me be young. We remain young in the little stories we make and the little rituals we construct our lives with.

The routine trips to bubble tea.

The same thai lunch over and over again.

The bookstore trips.

The little walks.

Lives are made up of little things stacked and built on top of one another. So despite the fact that big moments are loud and beautiful and told in legends, it is the small moments that remain and are retold in the heart.

So let me just say that I’m glad that this year, when I turned 30, we were together having lunch on a small makeshift table, eating little chicken nuggets and drinking juice from the cutest matching tea cups.

Tea for two.